A Random Rant about Email

Posted by Johnny at 10:57 a.m.

Ok, here's something that has really pissed me off lately: People who suck at filling in the "Subject" field in an email.

As the name suggests, the Subject field is used to indicate what the actual message is about. Seems simple, doesn't it? Apparently not, since a significant portion of my email is ambiguously (or stupidly) subject-ed.

NOTE: If your name appears in a "From" entry and you want it bleeped out, please let me know. Also, I don't mean any personal offense to any of the senders on the "bad" list - I'm just in a ranting kind of mood.

Let me begin with some examples of good subject lines:

• From: Reid, Subject: The Remository
  
  This is a great subject line because I knew exactly what the email was about before opening it. Even though most people would scratch their heads at this one, it showed Reid knew his audience (me) and which words were meaningful to me.
  
  
• From: Tristin, Subject: Your Blog! about Five Star Affair
  
  Yet another great subject line. Without reading the email, the subject told me that Tristin had read this blog, specifically the post I made about FSA, and had feedback to give me in regards to that post.
  
  
• From: Apple, Subject: Time Sensitive: Please verify your email address
  
  Not only did they tell me what they wanted directly in the subject line, they also indicated that they needed it quickly by specifiying "Time Sensitive." Marvellous!
  
  
• From Rob, Subject: ONB - Rehearsal Schedule April/May/June
  
  This is a great subject because even though I naturally assume that emails from Rob are concerning One Nite Band or the Jazz Orchestra, he included "ONB" in the title to clarify this. Reading the rest of the title told me right away that I'd be looking at a rehearsal schedule and would need to open my calendar to adjust dat,es if necessary, for the months of April, May, and June.
  

Ok, those were some of the really good ones I'd receveid in the last month. Now, here are some mediocre ones (although it's my style, mediocrity has no place in a Subject line).

• From: Rob, Subject: May 27th @ Rafter 6
  
  Now, this one was pretty good because coming from Rob, I knew it had to be related to either One Nite Band or the Jazz Orchestra, and thus the date and location specified was most likely related to a gig. The thing I would have really liked to see in the title was the word "Cancelled." You see, to get this information, I had to open his message and read the email, but by adding one word to the title, he could have saved me from reading the message entirely.
  
  
• From: Jenna, Subject: Going Away Party --SURPRISE
  
  This one was okay because I could assume that I was being invited to a surprise going away party. What I would have really liked to see was the name of the person who the party is for and perhaps even the date of the party. An acceptable title would have been "Surprise Party for ***** - May 11." That would have made my day.
  
  
• From: Haysam, Subject: Apples and Oranges
  
  This subject puzzled me at first. I thought, "What the fuck?". But then after reading the email it made sense. You see, he was asking me to help him install Microsoft Office on his Macintosh laptop and made a reference to Apple and MS to be incomparable. Clever, but confusing at first.

Alright, now that I've shown the good and pretty good, it's time for the fun/enraging stuff. Here come the bad!

• From: Dawn, Subject: Quadrus Development Inc.
  
  This email started a long thread of conversation between me and the human resources manager at my new company. We had been previously introduced a number of times and so I could easily associate her name with the company name. Why, then, did she feel the need to put the company name as the subject of the email? The message is obviously going to pertain to Quadrus, why not put a title like, "Invitation to Corporate Event - tonight, 5:30 pm @ Stampede." That would tell me everything I needed to know and the message itself could be a more formal icing on the cake, with all the pleasantries of conversation.
  
  Furthermore, she used this same thread of conversation to start a new, completely unrelated discussion with me. A new topic deserves a new subject line.
  
  
• From: James, Subject: Hey Guys
  
  Ok, "Hey Guys" is not a subject in the loosest sense of the word. It is a greeting used at the beginning of a message body. The message itself was a series of unrelated questions, so a possible title could have been "Questions about forgotten gear, next rehearsal, and Saturday Night." That would have been much more informative.
  
  
• From: Lauren, Subject:
  
  Yes, the subject field was left blank. Why??? How could a message not have a subject if the message itself was not blank? Not to mention, that every email I get from this person has a blank subject, so these all end up being threaded into the same conversation in my Mail program. That irks me a bit.
  
  
• From: Rob, Subject: Tune
  
  Okay, this is pretty ambiguous. What exactly is this message about? Is it about a song that I should hear? Is it about a song you found? Is it about tuning an instrument? So many possibilities!!!!

And last but not least, the email message that inspired this rant:

• From: Zeev, Subject: from Zeev
  
  OH MY GOD! Every email he sends me has this exact subject. Has he never used an email client before? I mean, how could he not realize that the sender is displayed next to the subject of every email, thus completely eliminating the need to respecify the sender in the subject. FUCK! It makes me want to crawl in a hole and convulse.

Well, I hope you enjoyed that. I also hope you learned something about email subjects. I bet whoever reads this will either become completely self-conscious about their subjects to the point of OCD, or they will send me messages with shitty-ass subjects out of spite. Either way, it's cool with me. Just know that the shitty-ass ones are going to show up on this blog.

Cobert: The Roast

Posted by Johnny at 3:59 p.m.

For those who haven't seen it:
Watch the single greatest moment in Colbert's career.

And for those new to Stephen Colbert, he has a show called the Colbert Report (pronounced: Colbear Repor) on Comedy Central, on which he pretends to be a far-right wing news pundit for the purposes of satire.

Finally, yes, I am at work, bored, in a training session.

A funny quickie

Posted by Johnny at 3:53 p.m.

Ok, I'll openly admit that I'm not the least bit interested in Harry Potter, however, I found some fan-fiction titles that I would gladly read. This is from boingboing:

Harry Potter fanfic we'd rather not see

• Harry Potter and the Uneventful Year When No One Tried to Kill Him
• Harry Potter and the New Love Interest Who Happens to Have the Same Name as the 15-Year-Old Girl Writing this Fanfic
• Harry Potter and the Uncomforatble Oversexualization of Minors
• Harry Potter and the E Street Band
• Harry Potter and the Things You Have to do to Get By in Prison
• Harry Potter and the Prisoner Detainees of Azerbaijan
• Harry Potter and the Wand of Franchise Extension
• Harry Potter and the Order of the Pizza

Hope you enjoyed that as much as I did (moderately).

Working Stiff (that may be a double entendre)

Posted by Johnny at 11:06 p.m.

I'm now employed, making money (although my first cheque doesn't arrive until June 10). I think I'm really going to enjoy working for this company, especially if I get to join a client project and get some real, real-world experience.

There are other things I'd like to be doing instead, such as recording with Reid, recording other people, and producing albums, but the last two of those three may be elusive. I'm thinking this Five Star Affair thing was more of a whim than anything, even though I know my ears would be beneficial to their project.

Perhaps I was thinking too ambitiously, though, when this opportunity first came about. If they recorded everything at their own studio, there's no way I'd be able to do quality control on the recording process itself. Sometimes, no matter how much "pixie dust" you put on a trumpet track, it will still sound like ass if it was recorded the wrong way to begin with. Thus, my ideal scenario would be to discover a band, get them into my studio, and release a single - EP/full length to follow if the single is well received.

Now, this could take a while to find another band worthy of recording who doesn't already have studio connections, so in the mean time, I'm going to work on laying down tracks for Child of the Internet. The hardest part of this album is going to be finding the right singer, but we're going to advertise in FFWD, craigslist, etc.... If anyone else has any good ideas of where to advertise for an unpaid singing position, please let me know.

For those who aren't savvy, Child of the Internet is the album that Reid and I are working on. Our process is probably somewhat similar to The Alan Parsons Project, in that we're not actually a full band - we are producers and songwriters who can play some instruments, but we have to outsource many of the roles, such as vocals, bass, and piano. We're also similar in that we're writing an album, not a collection of songs.

Note the difference between these two: an album, much like a photo album, is made up of parts that are somewhat related. A collection of songs is just a bunch of songs. The songs on COTI, for the most part, deal with the effect of the Internet on today's youth. We already have some freaking sweet cover art that Reid made, but it isn't safe for work. Not that I've ever hesitated to post offensive material on this blog... I just don't want people to see it until there's music to go with it.

Our other project, Computer Mics Never Sounded This Good, will be a tribute to our favourite artists, and will include reworked/rearranged versions of existing songs. (This will be a collection of songs, not an album.) Before the idea for COTI came along, this was to be our first album, but the topic of the Internet was too enticing to resist. Mmm, I can't wait to record one of the "intermission" songs that I came up with... I can't reveal anything, but Internet junkies are sure to enjoy it.

Well, I've been blabbing on for a really long time now, so I think it's time to go. Sorry I didn't really rant about anything, but I just wanted to put down in writing my goals for the next couple of months: COTI completed by September.

Five Star Affair: Beyond Repair?

Posted by Reid at 7:09 p.m.

After reading Johnny's comments about the Better Than What You Get At Home EP, I had a listen myself. The sound is muddy and doesn't portray any sense of intensity. It is also very narrow and just not "finished". This unfinished sound is something Johnny and I have encountered before and can occur even if the panning is perfect and there is no compression on the drums (and bass). So could this album be spiced up a bit? Well I attempted to find out.

The vocals are the one thing recorded well, but they lack the nice glossy finish that makes a CD stand out. Now Tristin can really sing, so its a shame that she is not brought forward with some sparkle. So I loaded Pardon Me up and tried to add some presence and width to the vocals. Sure enough, the vocals come out beautiful. The cymbals/hihat however couldn't take this extra pezzaz and started to distort. The drums aren't something fixable with what is on the album - they are fucked no matter what. Pristine vocals and a messed drum sound don't really fit together nicely.

After knocking the distortion back to a level that was tolerable, it was time to tackle the bass. The bass in the original was so heavy that I couldn't actually listen to the music at any volume without the bass "bottoming out". The constat "pop" that comes not only destroys the cool stuff going on, but the distortion afterwards on headphones was also problematic. The "bottoming out" comes from the bass drum, and the bass was just leveled too high. Some simple EQing pulled the two down to a fair level. The compression that Johnny spoke of still makes the bass drum "pop", but not nearly as badly.

That was all that was really "fixable", if it can be called that. The lack of panning really hurts the width and fullness of the recording, the compression affects the sound, and the poor EQing before the stereo mix means that it's tough to even get one aspect of the song to sound fantastic. The best that occurs is a moderate compromise between faults.

It's too bad because the band and their music kicks, but it's not something that I can fix. Well, it's fixable, but that would require re-recording and whatnot (which I think would be worth it).

"Baby, please just lift the damn restraining order!"

Posted by Johnny at 6:49 p.m.

Here's some of the best posts on craigslist:

• This is my line in the sand - this is my kind of guy/girl! I want him/her to contribute to this blog occasionally.
  
• Baby, please just lift the damn restraining order!
• Used sex toys for sale - this is kind of sick, but hilarious
• Take my son to his prom - best mom ever, or most embarrassing mom ever?
• Stripper Rant - haha, I'll keep this in mind for next week... eh Reid?
• Why you want me - my dream girl/woman
• Half a box of condoms - hmm, my box is still full... he's 6 up on me
• RANT: A letter to the only working toilet - This is awesome. She hates that toilet as much as I hate the misappropriation of the word "then" (ie: used in place of "than")
• Ashlee, the medical assistant who took my stool samples - haha, what a player
• RAVE: My cheating husband - BAM. Wife 1, Husband 0

That should quench your thirst for a while.

What it would be like if....

Posted by Johnny at 11:48 a.m.

Sam Jackson's character in Pulp Fiction (Jules) was a junior hockey coach:

UPS = Unbelievably Poor Service

Posted by Johnny at 8:00 p.m.

Ok, shitty re-acronymizing (is that a word?) aside, UPS sucks.

I ordered a MOTU audio interface off of eBay from the US and despite my requests to not send via UPS, the guy did. "Ok," I thought, "I'll have to pay another $40 once it gets here" because UPS charges all sorts of border and import fees in addition to the original shipping cost.

$120 later, I'm cursing the day that I didn't demand that the sender ship with Fedex or USPS air mail.

People shouldn't have to pay more for shipping at their doorstep than what they already paid. If you want to charge me $160 to ship to Canada, charge me $160 up front! Then we'll see how much business you actually get...

Don't write papers while high

Posted by Johnny at 11:51 a.m.

This could be the result.

Fucking hilarious.

Playoffs and Hovind

Posted by Reid at 8:23 a.m.

It's time. After a massive battle for positions, the teams are ready to go. Calgary is lined up against Anaheim in the first round. The teams are both pretty fast, which means there should be some solid hitting to try to slow each other down. Flames in 5.


In other news, Kent Hovind is an idiot. Yes, we knew this before, but he has sealed the deal. If you have some time, you might want to watch a bit of this video. **WARNING** You are going to want to punch your computer screen when you hear his "science". His opening statement goes something along the lines of "A good scientific theory is able to predict things" (True), and then goes on to say "If I take the bible as being true, then I can make all of these predictions:"

• The universe will show evidence and design
• There will be many symbiotic relationships found in nature
• There will be limitations to the variation life can produce (Dogs produce dogs, but not fish)
• There will be a purpose in life
• There will be love and non-material things such as love and justice
• There will be a way to find the will of the creator and maybe even a book telling us how he created and why
  
• There will be an afterlife where we face the creator
• There will be a golden age and legends of a creation events
• There will be fossils found of people living to great age
• There will be problems with wisdom teeth since people aren't living to 900 and aren't growing as long or as big.
• There will be a universal longing to restore the world to the garden of Eden conditions.

The universe will show evidence and design:
With the assumption of God and the earth being 6,000 years old, this is actually the only prediction on this list that is reasonable. I would agree, that if there is a creator, there would be aspects of design...so where is the evidence of design? Where are the drafts and the blueprints? God just did it? That hurricane "designed" New Orleans like that...c'mon

There will be many symbiotic relationships found in nature:
Evolution does a better job explaining this than Hovind's "If everything were created within 6 days of each other, then everything must be able to interact" explanation. This is scratching at "prediction", but sounds more like making what we know now fit. Again, this didn't provide a bunch of time for design with all this creating going on. Evolution simply explains this by saying relationships between living things is what drives the evolutionary pathway. If you aren't interacting with your environment and other life, you are dead.

There will be limitations to the variation life can produce (Dogs produce dogs, but not fish)
The fossil record disagrees. What a fucking awful argument. It's like saying, well milk can come in different kinds: chocolate, white, skim, 1%, 2%, homogenized, powdered etc...but cheese never comes from milk. When I pour out my milk, it is always milk, not cheese. Therefore cheese must have been created. Fucking dumb ass. This is also a "make it fit" prediction made from the bible's reference to species giving birth to the same species. For the record, speciation has occurred numerous times in our life time (viruses, bacteria and some plants). Although this is just "our classification system", "kinds" that Hovind uses is based on the same classification system (dogs and dogs).

There will be a purpose in life
This isn't a prediction. This is what you are told. But if you ONLY look at the idea of creation, I guess this is a semi-prediction. There is a purpose in life from the perspective of evolution actually...to reproduce and pass on your genes. Hmm, hard choice...worship or pleasure.

There will be love and non-material things such as love and justice
HAHAHAHAHA. Wandering off the path here, Hovind. This is an ambitious prediction. Evolution can explain these non-material things very well actually. Having the bible tell you that God is love doesn't mean you can predict in from the creation story. If the bible told you that there existed a parallel universe, would you say that creation predicted this? "Well, obviously there are multiple universes since we were created in 6 days". That sounds RIDICULOUS....and so does the "prediction" of love and non-material things.

There will be a way to find the will of the creator and maybe even a book telling us how he created and why
Hahah, BOOKS. Ahhh, another crazy prediction. So, apparently 6 days of creation also implies that all writing utensils existed, they had writing, and they knew enough to write something down. If I went back 5000 years and told people the creation myth, I doubt they would be like "I predict that a book will be made telling us how He created and why...because obviously this God, who we have never heard of, is now working on his autobiography". The book is also what has told people about creation...back to your circular world Hovind!

There will be an afterlife where we face the creator
This is a waste of time to even argue as a prediction. The cheese that was made in the variation prediction will face it's eater as a piece of shit...did it predict that when it was created?

There will be fossils found of people living to great age
Ya, I skipped the golden age and legends of creation events. How come he calls it legend, I would have predicted massive worship where reference to legend would have had you stoned...oh wait, that's what happened. But to the fossils, I haven't heard of anyone saying "these fossils are from people who lived to 900 years old". Confucius made it to his 70s I think, and that was considered freaky for the day. According to Hovind's great age assumption, and our age now, I would predict that humans would live to the age of 4.

There will be problems with wisdom teeth since people aren't living to 900 and aren't growing as long or as big.
What? You had dental during creation to predict this? Damn...you predicted a lot from a little creation story.

There will be a universal longing to restore the world to the garden of Eden conditions.

Hmmm, personally, if it involves a god, count me out. I have no desire whatsoever.

Yes, Hovind is an idiot, but the really shocking thing about the video were the amount of people that cheered him on for his shitty ass arguments. Evolution is a fantastically applicable and has allowed us to make predictions that have saved lives? Don't believe me? Well, you can ask God why He made a new batch of drug resistant bacteria just for you....