In the pursuit of someone new following the summer parting, I've ventured in numerous directions without much luck. If there is one thing I've managed to do, it's make a few more friends. Friends that drain the wallet and my mind. While talking to a girl that I find fairly attractive, she was complaining about being treated like a piece of meat because you get used and abused. If she really wanted to be treated well and unlike a piece of meat, she would be all over me. But she's not, so I can only assume she is full of shit.
I also know that she has no idea what she is talking about, because people get used all the time even when not a piece of meat. I will explain my experience with this briefly.
I usually treat my friends, particularly girls, very well. They don't often have to pay for much of their own stuff, they get a lot of free meals and what seems like unlimited favours. I don't ask too much from them in return...actually, almost nothing.
I find that these "friendships" are usually based on my ability to do something for them. It could be from printing their notes, making them dinner, helping them with their biochemistry, downloading videos for them, editing projects for them, proof reading etc. It seems rare that anyone wants to get together these days to just hangout since they are just "so busy". Instead, there has to be an excuse to get together (revolving around their needs, see above). Nonetheless, the friendship grows for a little while.
Now, could one assume that if you are doing things together every day and becoming close friends that you might make a decent couple? According to girls, no...their line is, "You'll make some woman very happy one day". I hate this line. How about I make you happy today, bitch? Are you saying to my face that I'm not good enough for you? Or just straight up saying I'm ugly? You think you are hot shit, do you? The reason you're still single is because you aren't as great as you think you are. God damn, people piss me off...just makes me want to hate fuck them even more.
Anyway, for those who don't know, I've bent over backwards the past 2 weeks for two different girls and they are both off finding other hot boys, but they will come back when they need help with finals....and yes, it pisses me off.
Thanks to Johnny, this is an accurate depiction of how relationships will work depending on either your physical attractiveness or your mental attractiveness. Since I get ass raped as a friend, I could use a bit more physical attractiveness, while the girl who complained about being used as a piece of meat obviously needs some more mental attractiveness.
The best part by far is the null set. And yes, I am sure everyone likes to think they could inhabit that currently void area, but it is null for a reason...it can't exist. It would annihilate itself in perfection...or even worse...the null set is God. *shudder*.
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26 comments:
I have a theory as to why you are experiencing such poor luck, and it involves what is probably a common problem amongst "nice" guys. Because we are nice, we don't wear our balls on our sleeve and thus don't immediately ask out someone who lands in our Awkward or even Dating zones. This naturally leads to friendship, perhaps even in one of the Temptation zones, but eventually the girl will assume we aren't interested and will forgo any previous interest in us if there was any to begin with.
For us, the temptation is still there, but we've waited so long and become such good friends with the girl that we wouldn't want to put things into the Awkward zone by expressing interest, especially if the girl is saying things like, "you'll make some woman happy one day."
So assuming this theory is correct, the way to circumvent these situations is to do what I did in this true story from many months ago. I'll summarize: If you find the girl anywhere near your Dating zone, ask her out. If you find out while on a date that she's engaged, then back out gracefully, laugh about it with your friends, and then add her to that "friends" collection. She'll always know that you were interested just in case things don't work out with her 19-year-old husband. In my case, my feelings changed immediately, but that was a rarity.
The problem with this approach is overcoming the fear of rejection, which I like to think that I have done. There are people I can thank for that, but I've decided to stop being a bitter asshole.
Reid, it sounds like these female friends of yours are taking you for granted, so you have a few options:
1. Stop doing things for them and see if they stick around.
2. Ask them out, and see what happens. You'll find out if they were ever interested or if they were just (sub)consciously using you.
3. Keep being a pushover and become the old Johnny. Having been the old Johnny for 3+ years, I can safely recommend that you NOT take this option.
Also, don't worry, the null set isn't God (the Christian one, at least). Here's why: When Christians get married, they say their heart belongs to God/Christ first, and then to their spouse. So in essence, they are marrying God/Christ, who fulfils both the roles of bride and groom since both partners marry him/her. Therefore, God/Christ is either asexual or transsexual and could not possibly be within the top 10% of the physical attractiveness scale.
Option 1: Of course they won't stick around. They'll just ask why I am being an asshole, claim I've changed and move on. That gets me no closer to anything except complete loneliness.
Option 2: Wow, have I ever fucked things up with this one before. Let's recount a couple. Anett, Robyn, Patricia, Alix, hell, even Jacqui and grad made everything go squirrelly. I have no issue with performing this option, except that with almost everyone it is an act of suicide. You might as well just tell them that you want them to think of you as a creep for the next little while and throw in that you enjoy child porn...because that's how they treat you afterwards. They won't talk to you, they'll avoid eye contact, they will pretend you don't even exist. I don't really like this option at all...as much as it pisses me off to get used sometimes, it's better to be used and be happy every once and a while than be look at like a creepy rapist.
Ahhh, joys. And girls call guys complicated.
Ok, I disagree with your option 2. I think the reason people in the past have seen you as a creepy racist is because you've asked them out in a really creepy way.
Remember Operation Byrd's Nest (or whatever - the Robyn one)? Remember Operation UAV? Remember your email spam to Alix, followed by creepy emails? I can't remember what happened with Anette, nor do I know anything about Patricia, but I do remember you had some detrimental nicknames around that time.
My point is that you have rarely tried asking someone out without some elaborate scheme or operation in effect. Remember, if you start gigantic, you'll have no headroom. I'm not saying don't be romantic, I'm just saying, don't be borderline creepy.
By racist, I meant rapist.
Alix did NOT get creepy emails! I sent her one which I am willing to post here...infact, I will:
"Hi Alix,
Yeah, it’s a lame subject title... I was just wondering if you’d like to do something together sometime like symphony, Citadel Theatre, hockey game? I know you’re busy with soccer, and if you can’t do anything/don’t want to, that’s cool. I can totally understand and appreciate that.
Anyway, I hope you’re having a good year.
Reid"
That is not creepy. We worked in a group project the year before and had emailed back and forth a lot. It's not like I hunted down her email address to send it, it was already in my address book.
She, of course, replied:
"Hi Reid!
I like the subject title! I am super busy with soccer right now and I have a bunch of midterms coming up so I probably can't do much as of
right now...but after midterms and stuff are over that would be good!
We could also study for 442...that test is going to be sooo brutal!
Have a good night,
alix"
Again, she didn't think I was creep yet. Everything was good. Go to say hi to her in class the following day as I do every day and it had just gone down hill. I am still in class with her and nothing has changed with time...it's as ignoring as ever. To make things worse, my involvement in Pandas' soccer up here means there are far too many chances for issues. There was no major plan, simply a girl being all weird because a guy liked her. Anyway, next in the list is Robyn.
Robyn was a mistake. That's all I have to say about that. What was I thinking? (And no, there wasn't really a plan to that one either, although I like the name you made up for it).
Anett and I were workout buddies and she was dating my good friend at the time (Scott). He moved on to Amanda (the one he is with now), and I had my chance...which wasn't actually a chance, but a crash.
Finally, scheme or no scheme, I'm pretty sure my luck isn't going to change anytime soon. That's why my arms are long and my body is short.
In other news, I thought someone had towed the truck away this afternoon. After a little frustration and someone honking their horn at me I walked to the grocery store only to find the truck parked there...then I vaguely remembered moving it after a few beers on Saturday night....oooops
I am so scared to comment on this post...please don't eat me.
1. Girls want to chase after/fuck the asshole, but date the "guy next door". So being nice probably won't get too much notice, unless it's an established friendship that's shifting.
2. I agree with Johnny. Just ask them out. Not over email. In person or on the phone. You command no authority over email.
3. As far as awkwardness goes, if they are going to act juvenile and MAKE things awkward, then they're useless anyways. It is quite possible to still be friends with someone you dated/fucked/wanted to date/asked out by just growing up and not playing the "I'm ignoring you" game.
In conclusion, girls are manipulative bitches. Just learn to play their kooky game of "High School All Over Again!".
Oh, and the "hate fuck" comment. Mint. Best line in the entry.
First of all, there WAS a scheme with Robyn, which may have involved a scavenger hunt. You remember it.. just dig deep.
Second of all, what do you mean, Kristen, by "unless it's an established friendship that's shifting"?
Thirdly, Scott was dating Anett?!?! How does that guy get so fucking lucky? I mean, look at him (no offense if you're reading this, Scott.)
My turn to comment...As you all know...I'm not the most outgoing person. And shy people get creepy when they have a crush on a friend...for two years. Coulda been two months if that bitch knew how to be direct and say "I'm not interested". Girls: guys are stooooopid. Be blunt.
Anywho, I'm older, wiser, more mature. I won't worry about creeping up any sort of friendship by asking a girl out.
And for the record, I consdider any moderately attractive single girl a potential. My guess is most guys are this way?
Then how come it seems girls have separate pools of "friends" and "potential boyfriends". There is no movement between the pools. I'll never know why some girls just can't wrap their head around the fact that some of their "friends" want to fuck them...
oh this is a great read. but i'm sorry reid,really, those girls sound like not nice friends. and my grammer sucks, but that is besides the point. friendships should not be one way, you can't do everything for someone all the time.
also, one time a good friend of mine told me he was interested, and i didn't feel the same way, but i just let him know i rather be friends and we are like best friends still, so it doesn't have to end badly.
*Sigh*, you're right Johnny, Robyn was a mistake. I'd forgotten about that bitch and my ways with her. What a fucking bitch.
Anyway, Kristen, I didn't ask Alix out via email. I was simply asking if she wanted to hang out. Actually, I'd have asked her out had we had a couple good nights out together, but for the most part I just wanted to get to know someone out of one of my classes...and since I'd worked with her before, I thought it made sense.
Do you think I'm that shallow to ask someone out via email? Oh, and if you are wondering why I didn't approach her in class to see if she wanted to get together, it's because there is an entire group of girls that sit together that I like to call the Berlin Wall that protects her. I had to pull the Trojan horse move.
Johnny, I don't know how Scott gets these women, but he does. He treats them well once he gets them too. He and I go one for one on "events" usually. He actually helped me design those napkins.
Kevin, I agree on these pools. I just want to swim in the other pool for while. Is that too much for guys like us to ask ;) I think not!
And finally, the most important thing of the night. Kristen, what the fuck do you mean by "unless it's an established friendship that's shifting."? That's exactly what I want...an established friendship that I now want to change into something more...beneficial. So, just continue being a nice guy, or was it somewhat unrelated? I do like all your comments on girls being bitches and I really like the way you just come out and say fuck. So brilliant and awesome. It really just gave me this tingle of some hate fucking. Honestly, that seems like only kind of fucking I want to do these days. What gives? Am I just that bitter already?
P.S - We all know that the BS that goes on with girls is immaturity, but that's because we have a mature group of friends...most people aren't there yet in their development, and I see no change in that until they are in their 30s. For now, I guess I'll just put up with it and have fun...because that's what life is all about - fun!
PPS Martini party is going to be a blast. I'll try not to get naked this time, but if I do, I've lost 20 pounds since the summer...so it's not as hideous of a site ;)
Ok, NO NAKED REID.
Just had to say that.
Also, I'm in favour of exploring this 1 pool (for guys), 2 pools (for women) theorem. It may have merit.
And Reid, we all make mistakes. Robyn was a mistake, but it was fun until she became a bitch. Well.. I had fun. And I think we're making you out to be way creepier than you actually are... you really are just getting screwed metaphorically.
I can't wait for that Martini Mingle. It'll be the saving grace of the holidays. And Jacqui, if you're reading this, I'm shocked and offended that you didn't trust Drunk Johnny when we slept in the basement at Kristen's that one time. Don't you know me better than that? If I was so drunk that I lost control of my actions, I'd probably be passed-out within seconds.
When I said "an established friendship that's shifting" (or whatever it was along those lines) I meant that you (usually) meet someone to start a friendship, or to start a relationship. Nobody plans to be friends with someone, and then slowly fade into fuck buddies, which works itself into a relationship. That just happens.
Enter stereotypical females guy-friend. This is the friend that they spend all their time with because he's a "nice guy". No hidden agendas, just friends. Over
time, female realizes that she doesn't like guy-friend hanging out with other girls, dating, what-not. She doesn't think anyone else is good enough for him. Why? Because she likes him and was a moron and it took her so many months of crying over assholes to him to realize that she should give him a chance.
Shift friendship to "he's a really nice guy, why didn't I think of him before?"
The reason she didn't think of him before? Because she sees the friend side, not the boyfriend side. And it's not until she gets jealous that she starts wanting him. But she wants the friendship too. And because we are female, we don't realize that you can have both, and that not all guys turn into assholes once they get some.
So she realizes that there might be possibilities there. This brings us to the great question: "fuck, or not to fuck?". Fuck, and she thinks things could hit one of two extremes: "awkward bed fumbling" or "let's talk about feelings". Not fuck, and well, she's back to the asshole, but still has your friendship.
Basically, girls don't give guys enough credit. They don't think that guys can handle being the friend and the boyfriend. You act like an asshole, they chase after you for sex. You're a nice guy, you get a little farther, but still might get bricked in the end.
Oh, and I didn't mean to sound rude when I made the comment about the email. I did misunderstand and just assumed that it was a "date" that you were requesting.
And you can be naked at my party as long as you stay outside. In the dark.
I love the length of responses, guys. It's awesome! That makes more sense now, Kristen. I'd agree with that, since it kinda happens with guys too.
Bricked is the best word EVER for it. What brilliant word. I'm going to use that word from now on...actually, on my MSN name even.
The question of fuck or not to fuck doesn't really matter to me much anymore. I just let the girl decide and take what comes. I don't understand why people think that sex changes anything, really. How does that make things better or worse. Ooo, you've seen me naked...so have a lot of people. If they were good in bed, does that make you care for them more...because that's more shallow than liking them only for their looks. I am willing to put up with some not so good sex if the person is willing to break out of their shell and learn. If we all knew how to do everything right from the start, we wouldn't need labels on packages.
Johnny,
It's not that I didn't trust you that night...it's simply that I was kind of freaked out when Drunk Johnny spent most of the night saying that he wanted to get me into bed. Now, normally, I might think this to be funny, since you were pretty drunk, but this was a new side of Johnny that I hadn't really seen before, and it took me by surprise. So, PLEASE...don't be offended by that. I definitely trust you! I have no reason not to trust you!
Haha.. Good old drunk Johnny saying things he had no intention of doing.
Other such things include, "I'm going to write the best song ever", or "I'm going to write the best blog post ever", or "I'm going to listen to an entire John Zorn album without turning it off."
Ok Reid, first of all, you can get past the "just friends" barrier. Check out this reference: http://www.sharpman.com/Article.asp?ArticleID=345
It outlines the steps to take to get around that awful barrier, almost worked for me, but then I moved.
Secondly, my experience in High School has led me to develop a theory (along with Lucas) of the Yo-yo effect:
You are being Yo-Yo'ed when:
- You seem to doing alot for the person, with no reciprocation
- Whenever you express interest, you experience a lengthy period of being ignored
- When you begin to move on, the girl gets jealous, and floods you with attention (see Kristen's comments)
- The cycle repeats until you break it.
The Yo-yo effect keeps the guy around, even if it is just to do their homework, and it really sucks to be the yo-yo. The problem is, when you try to break it, you have to tactfully ignore the influx of attention when you start to move on. If you play it right, you a) won't come off as an asshole, b) have an in if you want to try again about 6 months later.
That is my advice. As for ignoring the attention, you probably will fail the first couple of times.
Kristen and I determined that out of the blogs that this one links to, this post has the largest comment quantity without resorting to "You know how I know you're gay" "jokes".
Speaking of which, You know how I know you're gay? Haha, just kidding...
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