It's official, Johnny and I are taking an entire month off from drinking alcohol. We have set our sights on July 1st (Canada Day) as the first day to drink following alcohol's absence from our lives. At first this seemed crazy. I am not addicted. Habitual and abusive user, yes, but addicted, no. Why stop? Well, first off the calories are just killing me and secondly, I think my body will appreaciate this coming void. I would like to taket his time to look over the bullshit rules of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA).
AA is a notorious 12 step program that has helped many people deal with their alcohol addiction so, like most people, I expected these 12 steps to be solid guidlines that anyone could attach to. Thanks to PMCOL 305 (Drug Abuse), I was shown this assumtion is wrong. Step by step:
Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol--that our lives had become unmanageable.
This step is saying that alcoholism is like a desease, something like a bactria culture replicating within us that our body can't control. It's as if alcohol forces it's way into your mouth. Last time I had alcohol, I had the power. I was the one bringing it to my mouth, ingesting far too much and the throwing up. What kind of alcohol were these people having? I guess if it makes people feel better about their weakness though, this step can stay.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
So, I guess if you admit that alcohol is more powerful than you, you must be insane? How come you aren't sane just because you have an alcohol problem? Actually, the thing that chaps me most about this step is the capital "P". You capitalize the names of things, and this is a lot like have a capital for God or His or He or Him or Christ. Now, the mystical western god has taken on another name, Power. If it is another name for this western god, the "a" preceeding should be removed. Maybe it was just a typo in the original though, so we can continue.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Nope, definitely not a typo. Apparently this god's name is also Power. Step two should read "Come to believe in the god of the Bible and he will solve your problems" rather than lure people in with a non-specific term and then tell them the only logical assumption for a higher power is God. Steps two and three should be combined into one because together side by side they seem lame.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Wouldn't you do this as step one before admitting you have a problem? And why is drinking now a moral issue? Moral is another religious word that is replaced in the secular world with something slightly different, ethics. Is it unethical to drink alcohol? Fuck no, it's unethical for people to tell others that they are powerless over alcohol when they aren't
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Take out God and throw this step in as step number two.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Right, the whole powerless thing. No human could possibly do something for themselves, that might involve work. Useless step.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
Same as step 3
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Should be placed along with (or instead of) original step four, althouhg this one is more appropriate. This would be a fearless inventory, although not a moral inventory. It should also come a lot earlier.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Damn, this one is good. It should just come earlier than step 8.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
Wow, hard time making twelve steps?
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Same as every other God rule in here. ZzZZzzZzzzz
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
A spiritual awakening, eh? Maybe it's because the brain isn't being pounded to sleep by stimulation of GABAa receptors. Maybe it's because you can actually feel the real world now that your brain isn't getting the shit beat out of it. Sure, carry the message to others, but don't make it spiritual.
Modified 4 step program (1/3 of the bullshit)
- Step 1: Admit that you are drinking more than what is healthy and that people are being hurt by your ways.
- Step 2: Take an inventory and write down a list of the people you've hurt and consider how they will be better off without you abusing alcohol.
- Step 3: Apologize to people that have been harmed and work on avoiding alcohol so they are never harmed again.
- Stop, rinse, repeat as necessary.
- Step 4: Help other people who have had problems with an alcohol problem
3 comments:
The last line was the best: "Why do people insist on God fixing everything? He is, literally, such a tool."
This reminds me of that word I hate: ownership. In a religious context, it is used to determine whether a woman's father/God owns her body, or whether her husband does. I think it has another use:
"By believing in and submitting yourself to a god, you are transferring ownership of your actions from you to him."
The way AA was written asks alcoholics to do conflicting things. It says, "give in to God and let him deal with your alcoholism and also take responsibility for your actions." Wait, what?? How can we both be responsible for my actions? Wasn't it me who became addicted and hurt my friends and family?
The whole concept of letting a god make decisions for you is flawed. Since the 12 step program was based on these foundations, it is also flawed.
I think I'm strong. I think I can stop myself from going too far. I think I'll never be an addict. I think I am better.
But I'm not sure.
I'm not sure that I am strong enough on my own. You need friends to pull you up before you fall down that slippery slope.
That is why I applaud two friends showing respect for a dangerous substance (and a healthy decision too.)
But I'll still be abusing alcohol for the near future. At least a full-time job prevents me from doing it on weeknights.
Kevin, here's a tip that has worked for me:
If you want to get drunk on a weeknight and avoid the hangover, just drink a bunch of water before you go to bed. That'll keep your brain nice and hydrated.
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