Church website is now gay porn

Posted by Johnny at 12:03 p.m.

Muahahahaha. This is what happens when you forget to renew your domain name. (From here.)

DOVER -- Hope Community Church is trying to spread the word about its new Web site and disavow its former domain name.

Because of an error, a pornography company bought the church's old domain name unbeknownst to the church. The church's new Web site is www.hopeacc.org.

Pastor Steve Spearing said Friday the mix-up happened a few weeks ago when the church changed Internet service providers. Spearing said he believed the church could keep its Web site name, which contained the words "life" and "Christ."

But the old service provider put the address up for sale and it was bought by a pornographic Web site.

Spearing said he didn't realize the site had been sold until he got a call from a Massachusetts woman who was interested in moving to the area and was doing research on the Internet about local churches.

"She asked what kind of a church we were and then she said, 'Do you know that your Web site is connected to a porn site,' and I said 'No, ma'am,'" Spearing said.

He said he was aghast, especially because the church had just handed out fliers with the old Web site name at Dover's Apple Harvest Day.

The church has spent the last few weeks trying to figure out how this happened, he said, and recently received a letter from the Internet service provider admitting it made a mistake by selling the domain name.

"They said we could buy it back, but we don't want it back," Spearing said.

He said the Internet company told him pornographic sites often like to buy Web addresses once used by churches.

"They will target ministries as an embarrassment, and they did a good job," he said.

Although the Internet snafu was troubling, Spearing was able to have some sense of humor about it.

"It will be interesting to see who shows up to church now," he said.

If anyone is interested in the old web address it is http://www.life-in-christ.net. I'm not posting that as a link because I just know that someone (Reid) will fail to read the article and click the link without thinking while his parents are in the room.

I need an opinion

Posted by Johnny at 2:26 p.m.

Ok, let me start off with a boring story.

I'm doing some recording work for a girl I knew in high school, who we will call Abby, in exchange for her fiance building an acoustically treated vocal booth in my basement. The work he's doing would normally run around $1500, so I'm basically giving her 8-10 songs out of it. This is beside the point. Also, she found me through another girl that I recorded (and asked out), who happens to be a good friend of hers. We'll call this girl Betty.

Abby is getting married very soon (next week) and I was under the assumption that I was not invited to the wedding... because she hadn't invited me. I was fine with this, because I try to avoid churches if at all possible, and, from what she has told me, the reception was going to be dry to accommodate the alcoholics in the family.

In the last couple weeks, I've been mixing and mastering a song for her to play at the wedding. She wrote it for her husband-to-be, so I wanted her to be happy with the result. I made a first mix, wasn't happy with it, then made a second mix that was about 90% of what I wanted. She was impressed with my perfectionist tendencies and felt like she is getting a really good deal, which she is. Perhaps it was out of guilt, but whatever the motivation, she invited me to her wedding.

Let me clarify: she invited me to the ceremony. They don't have enough food to invite me to the reception, so I'm invited to the church part, and she made it sound like she really wanted me to come. I haven't been to any kind of church service since last Christmas Eve with the Ex (no church this year! WOO) and I was planning to decline the invitation. That is, until I found out that Betty, who is now married and living out west, was going to be in town and at the wedding, presumably with her husband.

I've met Betty's husband, we'll call him Charlie, twice at the most and so far he has never said a single word to me. Not one. Not even "hello" or "goodbye." Something tells me that he felt threatened by my brief presence in Betty's life back in the spring. I mean, she was over at my house a lot during the recording process, and we hung out together for the last few weeks at school, so he was justified in his fears. They were futile, however, because after finding out that she was marrying the first person she'd ever dated at age 22 (he was 19!), I immediately lost interest in her. But once I met him and clearly saw how jealous he was, I abandoned any guilt that I had from spending so much time with her. And let's not forget that she let me buy her dinner, telling me that she was engaged half-way through the meal.

You'd think I'd want to spend less time with her in order to make things easier on Charlie, but he just seemed so immature that I couldn't help but want to toy with his perceptions. What can I say, I'm an asshole. Unfortunately, they were busy planning the wedding in the summer, so I didn't really get a chance to make him any less comfortable, and, not surprisingly, I wasn't invited to the wedding, so I couldn't give her a big congratulatory kiss like I had planned. Basically, my fun was at an end and I haven't spoken to her since August.

But now that she is going to Abby's wedding next week, I've been handed an opportunity for some light trouble-making. Operating under the assumption that she's bringing Charlie as a guest, I have several options if I go to the wedding.

I could, and most likely will try, to sit with them. Naturally, I'd sit next to Betty and make a bunch of enthusiastic conversation with her before the wedding starts, all but ignoring Charlie. If I was feeling saucy, I could also give her a big hug when I first see her. This might raise some flags. Finally, a kiss on the cheek would pretty much ensure his permanent disapproval of me, all to my absolute delight. I think these would all be within the acceptable boundaries of two friends who hadn't seen each other in four months, don't you?

Of course, I could spare myself some boredom and spare those newlyweds some minor hiccups by not attending the wedding and not being mischievous. But I don't know if I'd ever have another chance at this sort of thing. It would almost be worth sitting through a full wedding ceremony to cause a little bit of trouble and make a silent protest against the institute of marriage and the naive youngsters who feel guilty about having sex without that magical piece of metal around their finger.

But then again, I'd have to go to church. What should I do?

Broken Laws

Posted by Johnny at 3:33 p.m.

Here's an example of stupidity in the US with respect to laws [original article]:

ATLANTA (AP) — The Georgia Supreme Court has turned down an appeal from a teen who was sentenced to 10 years in prison for having sex with a 15-year-old.

In a ruling released Friday, the court denied a motion for reconsideration filed by lawyers for Genarlow Wilson, who was 17 when he and the 15-year-old engaged in consensual oral sex. He was sentenced for aggravated child molestation.

Wilson’s case was one of two cases that were cited earlier this year when lawmakers passed a law that otherwise strengthened penalties for sex offenders, but reduced the penalty from a felony to a misdemeanor for some teenagers convicted of sodomy.

Presiding Justice Carol Hunstein noted that in easing the penalties for teens, ‘‘the Legislature expressly chose not to allow the provisions of the new amendments to affect persons convicted under the previous version of the statute.’’

Hunstein added she was ‘‘very sympathetic to Wilson’s argument regarding the injustice of sentencing this promising young man with good grades and no criminal history to 10 years in prison without parole and a lifetime registration as a sexual offender because he engaged in consensual oral sex with a 15-year-old victim only two years his junior,’’ but said the court was bound the by limits set by the Legislature.

10 YEARS?!? That's outrageous. Another thing that's outrageous is that people can be convicted of sodomy in some US states (sodomy is basically any non-coital sex, in case you were wondering). Welcome back to the middle ages.

Warning Label

Posted by Johnny at 5:43 p.m.

I'll let you guys figure out what this proposed warning label should be for. (Found this on digg, got a chuckle out of it).

WARNING: This a work of fiction. Do NOT TAKE it literally.

CONTENT ADVISORY:
Contains verses descriptive or advocating suicide, incest, bestiality, sadomasochism, sexual activity in a violent context, murder, morbid violence, use of drugs or alcohol, homosexuality, voyeurism, revenge, undermining of authority figures, lawlessness and human rights violations and atrocities.

EXPOSURE WARNING:
Exposure to contents for extended periods of time or during formative years in children may cause delusions, hallucinations, decrease cognitive and objective reasoning abilities, and in extreme cases, pathological disorders, hatred, bigotry, violence including but not limited to fanaticism, murder and genocide.” endanger your mental health and life”.

Blog: updated. Also, torture.

Posted by Johnny at 3:49 p.m.

Well, they finally allowed Premium Mediocrity to upgrade to Blogger Beta. I decided to commemorate this momentous occasion by updating the site template to what you are looking at right now. What do you think? I made small adjustments to the Rounders theme.

I almost forgot the original reason I went to the Blogger dashboard, but luckily, alcohol hasn't destroyed my memory yet.

If you feel like reading about a US citizen's account of being tortured in Iraq by the US, read this article. If you don't, however, allow me to re-post what I think is the most important part of the article:

The fluorescent lights in his cell were never turned off, he said. At most hours, heavy metal or country music blared in the corridor. He said he was...

When you think of music that could be used for torture, most people would think "heavy metal" fits the bill perfectly. More specifically, they are thinking about any music that involves screaming, unrecognizably distorted guitars, and rapid-fire double bass drum sequences. Oh, and maybe some bass fuzz for good measure.

I would agree that when played at loud volumes, this would become torturous to me after a few hours, but there are some cases in which I'd enjoy it for a little bit. More specifically, if it was The Dillinger Escape Plan, Converge, or Mastodon that they were playing, I probably wouldn't complain. But as indicated in the article, heavy metal and hardcore aren't the only styles of music that could be used for torture.

Yes, he said they used country music. This made my day. I don't like to generalize, so I'll just say that I dislike most country music. There's just something about the twangy vocals, concrete lyrics, and repetitive instrumentals that doesn't sit well with me. I'd classify it with any other kind of pop music in that it's 70% repetition, but has added twang and in some cases, depression. Just imagine "Achy Breaky Heart" being played for 4 hours, let alone 4 minutes.

The more I think about it, there are even more musical styles that they could use to torture people. A little Will Smith, anyone? How about some O Town? Or maybe they could loop "What is Love" for 6 hours. And nothing says "kill me" (or "rape me") like listening to 50 Cent. On the flip side, we could pipe in a Shine FM broadcast for a couple hours and make any normal person try to puncture their ear drums with a coat hanger.

My brain is bursting with ideas. I think I have some John Zorn / Mike Patton collaborations that most people would burn after the first couple songs. I also downloaded an album by some weird 2-person band called Orthrelm that could drive you insane - it was basically a 40 minute set of ultra fast and ultra repetitive drum and guitar prog metal licks. If I wasn't so amazed by their musicianship (the entire thing was recorded in one sitting), I would have vomited.

Speaking of vomit, I think I've come up with the ULTIMATE torture: Kenny G. Specifically, play all of his Christmas albums in a big loop until the inmates kill themselves. I bet you could even use this for population control in overcrowded countries. Just pipe it through loud speakers in the streets and eventually, the population will lack the will to reproduce for fear of creating the next Kenny G.

Short List of Library Disturbances

Posted by Reid at 10:36 a.m.

I love finals, I really do. I get up, go to the library, put in some solid work at my own pace, head to the gym when I want, eat when I want. It's a good life. Maybe it's part of the 4th year apathy, maybe it's weather, but finals haven't been stressful this year.

I can't, however, say the same for other people that I've seen at the library this year. It's funny to see people at their breaking limit for an entire 8 hours (well, they are only there for 3 because they take 2 hour lunches, and all sorts of breaks). This library season has seen me notice things of annoyance that I wasn't so sensitive to before, probably because I was stressed myself. I've compiled a short list of retarded things in the library that aren't the normal "turn you cell phone off" or "don't talk":

1. Text Messages
2. Laptops
3. No shoes
4. Crackers
5. Ear plugs

Text Messages:
I don't mind the person having their phone on silent and leaving to talk, no biggie. What I can't stand is this new age of messages that people type out on their phones. It's a constant clicking from them pushing the buttons. It's fairly loud (even if they don't think so), but more importantly they have nothing to say. I read one guy's text message: "what r u doing". What is up with this world? Do you really need to know that moment what that person is doing? Shouldn't you just focus on what you are suppose to be doing?

Laptops:
I go to the library to avoid my computer. MSN is a distraction, music is a distraction, news is a distraction. I see no reason to need to bring your computer. If you are typing a report up, don't come to the library. Your clicking isn't welcome during finals. It is especially frowned upon when you clicking noise is MSN to your friend. Why do you need to come to the library to MSN? Go fuck yourself you self absorbed whore.

No Shoes
No Shoes, No Service. Well, not at the library, a place that everyone thinks is their home. Come in your PJs and kick off your shoes, we'll just have a slumber party! Guess what? If you are so focused on your comfort you probably aren't focusing on your studying. I just hate people that "study so hard" since they are the first to whine. PS, it's gross when you go to the washroom without shoes. There is shit on the floor, I swear.

Crackers
Our brains need sugar to function properly, so you should be allowed to eat in the library. Now, I must ask why people insist on chips and crackers - the loudest food out there. How about a fucking orange or a banana? No, apples are bad too. Who the fuck busts out an apple in the library? The same people that don't wear shoes.

Ear plugs
You'd think ear plugs are the greatest thing while studying, wouldn't you? Block out the noise of others and let you focus on your own little world. When I see someone with ear plugs I run far away, because these are the loudest fuckers in the library. They have no idea how much noise they make because they've plugged their ears. I honestly think that ear plugs should be BANNED from libraries since they only benefit the person using them and make the place a whole bunch louder.


Meh, done for the day. Time for gym and whatnot.

Update on "girls": Some new girl from library is now of interest. Others are doing a lot better now that exams are done. I told you exams make people go crazy!

Comic: xkcd

Posted by Johnny at 9:02 a.m.

Just one of the funny comics, most of which are for geeks, on www.xkcd.com.

Relationships Explained

Posted by Reid at 3:16 p.m.

In the pursuit of someone new following the summer parting, I've ventured in numerous directions without much luck. If there is one thing I've managed to do, it's make a few more friends. Friends that drain the wallet and my mind. While talking to a girl that I find fairly attractive, she was complaining about being treated like a piece of meat because you get used and abused. If she really wanted to be treated well and unlike a piece of meat, she would be all over me. But she's not, so I can only assume she is full of shit.

I also know that she has no idea what she is talking about, because people get used all the time even when not a piece of meat. I will explain my experience with this briefly.

I usually treat my friends, particularly girls, very well. They don't often have to pay for much of their own stuff, they get a lot of free meals and what seems like unlimited favours. I don't ask too much from them in return...actually, almost nothing.

I find that these "friendships" are usually based on my ability to do something for them. It could be from printing their notes, making them dinner, helping them with their biochemistry, downloading videos for them, editing projects for them, proof reading etc. It seems rare that anyone wants to get together these days to just hangout since they are just "so busy". Instead, there has to be an excuse to get together (revolving around their needs, see above). Nonetheless, the friendship grows for a little while.

Now, could one assume that if you are doing things together every day and becoming close friends that you might make a decent couple? According to girls, no...their line is, "You'll make some woman very happy one day". I hate this line. How about I make you happy today, bitch? Are you saying to my face that I'm not good enough for you? Or just straight up saying I'm ugly? You think you are hot shit, do you? The reason you're still single is because you aren't as great as you think you are. God damn, people piss me off...just makes me want to hate fuck them even more.

Anyway, for those who don't know, I've bent over backwards the past 2 weeks for two different girls and they are both off finding other hot boys, but they will come back when they need help with finals....and yes, it pisses me off.

Thanks to Johnny, this is an accurate depiction of how relationships will work depending on either your physical attractiveness or your mental attractiveness. Since I get ass raped as a friend, I could use a bit more physical attractiveness, while the girl who complained about being used as a piece of meat obviously needs some more mental attractiveness.

The best part by far is the null set. And yes, I am sure everyone likes to think they could inhabit that currently void area, but it is null for a reason...it can't exist. It would annihilate itself in perfection...or even worse...the null set is God. *shudder*.

Modern translation of a Beatles song title

Posted by Johnny at 9:58 p.m.

I Wanna Hold Your Hand

becomes

I Wanna Wrap You in Saran Wrap from Head to Toe and Cut Two Holes For You so that You Can Breathe and We can Have Sex

Now contribute more because the Beatles are (finally) no longer sacred.

I might as well opine on the above linked-to album entitled, "Love", and created by George Martin and his son Giles. I love it... but...

I would have liked to hear them go waaay farther with the mashups and remixing efforts, but I realize that they had to both satisfy long-time, die-hard fans, of which I am not, and create something that sounds new and fresh. Maybe one day they will do something truly original with these original master tapes, but that day has not yet come (unless you count the Grey Album).

Some links for y'all

Posted by Johnny at 8:29 a.m.

I haven't done a link dump in a long, long time.

• Bill Gates For President - Apparently Scott Adams beat them to the punch, but here is the semi-official site for the BGFP movement. Yep, I just acronymized it, and invented the word "acronymized".
• Digg - 8 Things Women Suck at in Bed - I haven't actually read the article because when things get dugg, they usually get overloaded and people can't read them. However, I'm linking to the digg page for it so that you can read the first two comments. Hilarious.
• Stephen Hawking thinks we should colonize another planet to ensure the survival of the species. I think I would volunteer to go to the new stomping grounds and carry on the existence of the human race. I mean, think of all the sex I'd be having. Allllll right. Stephen Hawking, I salute you.
• Some idiots, who happened to be high, decided to rob this family and held a few of them at gunpoint. While this was happening, the 4-year-old son went into his room and changed into his power rangers costume and got out a plastic sword and tried to scare the criminals away. Since they were high, they actually thought he morphed into a power ranger and fled the scene in fear. Priceless.
• Ah, Americans. Here are some stories from travel agents about customer stupidity. "I got a call from a man who asked, 'Is it possible to see England from Canada?' I said, 'No.' He said 'But they look so close on the map.'"