New Mission

Posted by Johnny at 4:18 p.m.

Text from this article:

If astronauts have had space sex, it would have been very difficult. First off, there isn't much privacy up there. A regular shuttle is about as big as a 737, and the two main areas—the crew cabin and middeck—are each the size of a small office. The bathroom is little more than a seat with a curtain, and there aren't any closed rooms where two people could retreat. The space station, on the other hand, has a little more room to operate. The three-person crew generally splits up for sleeping time: Two of them bed down in a pair of tiny crew cabins at one end of the station, and the third might jump in a sleeping bag at the other end, almost 200 feet away. (The panel-and-strap design of a space bed might not be that conducive to lovemaking.)

To summarize: has anyone had sex in space? Probably not.

People, this is a problem that needs to be remedied. How will we colonize new planets once we destroy ours if we haven't figured out if we can have sex in space? I mean, we can't travel at the speed of light (yet), so we'd have to send fleets of people whose future generations, conceived and birthed in space, will eventually make it to a new home. Clearly, the fate of our species rests upon the ability to conceive children in space, and if we don't find this out before it's too late, we might be gambling with humanity.

It was a tough decision, but I am willing to offer myself as a test subject for what might be the most important experiment of our lives. NASA, if you're listening, I am willing to become an astronaut to test whether space sex is possible. I realize that it will be dangerous, but it's for the good of humanity.

Of course, there's no point in me going up there alone; we'd need at least one human female to accompany me. Any volunteers?