Confession

Posted by Johnny at 10:33 a.m.

[from digg]

Overheard in New York

Posted by Johnny at 1:22 p.m.

[from here]

Guy #1: I'd totally hit that.
Guy #2: Dude, I'd hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would become the King of England.

Mother: Don't you ever do that again! [slaps child hard]
Child, calmly: Well, are you happy with yourself?

Girl #1: My friend Chandra thinks she's still a virgin because she's only had anal sex.
Girl #2: How do you know this girl?
Girl #1: She goes to my church.

Teen girl: I'm not saying I wish I had a penis. It would just be nice to be able to pee standing up.
Teen guy: Peeing standing up is a lot like eating grapefruit... One wrong move, and you could squirt yourself in the eye.
Teen girl: Oh my god... seriously?

Chick #1: Omigod, like, if I like your earrings, why should I tell someone else I like your earrings? I should just tell you.
Chick #2: Omigod, I'm just like that too. But really it's because I love getting compliments.
Chick #1: Omigod! Me, too! It's the only reason why I say nice things to other people.

Drunk ponytailed guy: So, like what's our situation?
Girl: Ummm, what do you mean?
Drunk ponytailed guy: Like do you ... want me to come up?
Girl: What part of your ponytail makes you think I'd go home with you tonight?

God Squad lady: Praise Jesus! You won't be saved without Jesus! You have to start believing in Jesus to be saved! Jesus will always be there for you!
Suit #1: Would it be so awful if we pushed her out when the doors open?
Suit #2: No. Jesus will save her.

Random letters and quotes

Posted by Johnny at 9:28 a.m.

from xkcd

Johnny: "And this is why love sucks - it directs all of your blood away from your brain and into your heart and genitalia."

Reid: "Well, all of your blood passes through your heart regardless."

Johnny: "Right."

High School Papers, or Peter Nguyen is my God

Posted by Johnny at 12:20 p.m.

If I could go back to high school and care even less than I did at the time, I would write shit like this for every assignment.
Thank you, Jimmy McPerson, and touché, teacher.

Damn you, Walt Whitman!

Birthday Calculator

Posted by Johnny at 5:26 p.m.

This is pretty cool. It tells you various stats about your birthday. Apparently, I share a birthday with Ringo Starr.

It also tells you what your life path number is. Mine is 1. From the site:

The Life Path 1 suggests that you entered this plane with skills allowing you to become a leader type rather easily. Your nature is charged with individualistic desires, a demand for independence, and the need for personal attainment. Many of our military generals, corporate leaders, and political leaders are men and women having the Life Path 1. When you display positive 1 traits your mind is capable of significant creative inspiration, and it possesses the enthusiasm and drive to accomplish a great deal. You are very good at getting the ball rolling; initiating new projects is your forte. You are at your best when confronted with obstacles and challenges, as you combat these with strength and daring. This is both the physical and inner varieties of strength. With this strength comes utter determination and the capability to lead. As a natural leader you have a flair for taking charge of any situation. You have a tendency to do this, even if, at times, it is not appropriate for you to do so.

Highly original, you may have talents as an inventor or innovator of some sort. In any work that you choose, your independent attitude can show through. You have very strong personal needs and desires, and you feel it is always necessary to follow your own convictions. You tire of routine and highly detailed tasks rather quickly.

Dead on.

Perceived Fridayness

Posted by Johnny at 12:42 p.m.

And now to make full use of my "graphs" tag...

Jerry Fallwell Died

Posted by Johnny at 1:04 p.m.

When I had time to rant about things (my young, idealistic days), I would often jump at the shit spewed forth by right wing Christian leaders such as Pat "Motherfucker" Robertson and Jerry Fallwell. Now that I'm a little older and a little wiser, I'm not going to rant about Fallwell on his death - I'm going to leave that to the digg community and post the best responses here. I hope you enjoy it.

I hate to say this but I'm Conservative and he scared me

It's wrong to speak ill of the dead.
So I have little to say.
I suppose the world is a better place now than it was.

I hope it's not too hot where he's at right now.
Oh wait. I do.
Good riddance you fucking whore. I hope you're burning in a place you've feared in your life.

Fuck Jerry Falwell, too bad he didn't die years earlier. Enjoy your time in hell, you racist, homophobic asshole. Hopefully someone runs a train on your corpse.

If you're going to mourn for this guy, you'd better mourn for everyone:
"AIDS is not just God's punishment for homosexuals; it is God's punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals”
"God has removed it's veil of protection from America in no small part, because of the feminists and the gays"
"“The idea that religion and politics don't mix was invented by the Devil to keep Christians from running their own country”
“If you're not a born-again Christian, you're a failure as a human being”

In other news: hell just got a little fatter.

Why do the good always die so young?

Tonight I shall go to Larry Flynt's Hustler Club in his remembrance.

If hell actually existed, he would truly be rotting in it. Luckily for him it doesn't.

Jerry Falwell finally did something for the people!!!

I just hope he stays dead.

73 years too late.

That's probably enough for now.

Venn Bliss

Posted by Johnny at 9:06 a.m.

Update:
There are more spelling mistakes in this letter that weren't highlighted. 10 points if you can find them all.

Update 2:
Someone at work dropped the lid from a fruit cup into a toilet. This raises two questions:

1. Who the fuck eats and shits at the same time?
   
2. Do you really need to be running at peak efficiency all day?

Please shoot me

Posted by Johnny at 4:48 p.m.

No matter how hard I try, I can't dislike the new Avril Lavigne single ("Girlfriend").

I know.

Hooks aplenty, there's a ton to latch onto in this little ditty: the cheerleader chorus, the layered harmonies in the verses, the half-time pre-chorus, etc. The production is great - I'm sure it's compressed like crazy, but the mix is fantastic. The guitars have a nice fluid crunch (I'm aware of the oxymoron), which reminds me of my twangy Strat sound through a high gain setting on my Orange amp. Mmm, delicious. The bass drum is a bit clicky for my taste, but it really drives the verses. The bass is there, doing its job as usual. If vocal pitch correction was used, they probably did it in the background harmonies to tighten things up, but I couldn't really hear any in the lead parts - another plus.

The target audience is clearly the 13-15 year-old female crowd ("she's like, so whatever"), and so the lyrical content is about as complicated and layered as Dude, Where's my Car?, but it's just so appealing to hear Avril say "motherfucking princess" (in the uncensored version, of course). I wouldn't put it in the same league as Norah Jones dropping the MF bomb in her Peeping Tom feature, "Sucker," because that was damn hot/sexy, whereas this is cute/playful.

As far as girl rock/punk/whatever is concerned, I still wouldn't put her in the same league as Katy Rose in terms of songwriting ability, but since most of you are probably saying "who?" to that reference, I think we know who has the better hooks.

The rest of the album is decent, but the 3 ballads feel forced and could have been left out. I highly recommend the uncensored version over the censored one for obvious reasons. After listening to all 40 minutes of it, you might feel like you've lost 30 IQ points and are on your way to developing diabetes, but that might be your thing.

Now to listen to some Shining to balance out my day....

Fate.... or stalking?

Posted by Johnny at 10:55 a.m.

I will summarize this story below:

• Guy dreams up phone number
• Guy sends text message to said number
• Number belongs to girl
• Guy marries girl
  

That was heavily abridged, but you get the gist of it. The couple met because the guy dreamt of her phone number and sent it a text message, thinking he'd met her the night before. He hadn't, but they fell in love and got married.

Seems plausible.... OR DOES IT?

Which of the following scenarios is more likely? 1) I "dream" about a 7 or 10 digit phone number (complete with 10,000,000 or 10,000,000,000 possible numbers), send it a text message, and find out that it belongs to a (presumably) attractive female my age; OR 2) I stalk a girl whom I (presumably) find attractive, find out her phone number, and then contact her by describing scenario 1?

Yeah, that's what I thought. Whatever, it doesn't really matter because they'll be divorced within 2 years.