Sad but true

Posted by Johnny at 8:09 p.m.

I can honestly say that I understand the reason for our rapid break-up, and as much as it hurts me, I think it is the right thing to do.

Throughout the nearly 3 years there were periods of ups and downs, which I attributed to normal moodiness on both of our parts. It turned out to be a deeper issue than that, however, and looking back it seems to make sense.

In many ways Kathryn is a very mature person - she could easily have been living on her own for the last couple of years and she is capable of taking on many simultaneous commitments. In other ways, however, her immaturity is really apparent. It takes her a really long time to truly open up to anyone, and as I recently discovered, she is not yet able to determine why she experiences many of the feelings that she does.

Since the beginning of our real relationship, her feelings for me have gone up and down in cycles (unexplainable by her). During the down times, I was often confused, hurt, and angry because my feelings for her never really wavered. But when the up times rolled around, I seemed to instantly forget how the downs made me feel.

In the aftermath, I can now look back and say that I was unfairly treated during those times and our breakup will be good in the long run for many reasons. (This is something that Reid has been pointing out for a long time - thanks dude and sorry for not listening).

For one, being single and even dating different people will give both of us a better perspective on the future and the past. In Kathryn's case (and ideally), she will be able to figure out why she only loved me part of the time and if it really had anything to do with me. I don't think it really had anything to do with me as a person and I hope she can figure out what it is about herself that keeps her from experiencing true love. For her sake, I truly hope that she can let go of that part of herself.

In my case, letting go of Kathryn will be the hardest thing I've ever had to do emotionally. I truly loved her and I would have done so as long as we were together. Right now it's too early for me to start moving on, but I'm certainly not going to sit on my thumbs hoping she'll come back to me. I still don't know how I'm going to deal with not seeing her family or her dogs yet.

At the moment, this decision is for the best. The timing was as good as it could have been and my future self will thank my current self for allowing this to end gracefully. I can just imagine how hurt I would have been if this happened even one or two more years into the future. And I don't want to think about how hurtful it would have been after getting married.

As I told her the last time we spoke, she will forever be in my heart and I only want the best for her. Funny, I never thought I believed it, but now I think it's true: If you do truly love someone, you have to be able to let them go.