Have Sex, Live Longer

Posted by Johnny at 2:49 p.m.

This article published in the British Medical Journal presents findings indicating that men who have a high frequency of orgasm hold a 50% lower chance of death from coronary heart disease than those who have a low frequency of orgasm. In addition to the findings presented in this article, I've outlined my "research" "findings" on this subject below:

• Women who have regular sex will live longer. This is because the men they are having sex with won't be dying soon, which reduces their fear of not being able to have regular sex and thus extends their life.
  
• Men who have regular sex will be happier than those who don't. Take it from me - I'm not having regular sex (regular = any) and I'm a miserable son of a bitch. Therefore, the key to happiness is abstaining from abstinence.
• Women who have regular sex will be less bitchy. This is a known fact and is good for everyone.
• Men who have regular sex care less about things that aren't sex, and will be easier to coerce into doing girly things. This is good for women, and the men won't notice.

Conclusion: Fuck, I need to get laid. Come on women, these findings speak for themselves and all point to you having sex with me because I'm available. If, for some strange reason, I'm not available, I'm pretty sure my friends Reid and Kevin are both available. Brett is too, but he lives in Texas. But since this is my post, you have to prioritize me over these other guys.