In pondering how I am best suited to accumulate enough wealth to buy myself a trophy wife (or at least a wife willing to have sex with me who I don't find unattractive), I was searching ways to keep living costs down while maximizing market exploitation.
With Alberta's market booming, surely a young lad could make a couple dollars. Think Reid, think...
From my experience this summer, I found that many people looking for work had left their families in other provinces and moved out to Calgary. None of these men had the sweet touch of a woman. Not that I would call what they get a sweet touch...probably more like a callused slap. Nonetheless, I am sure these men would pay for some sweet loving. Of course, there is always the issue that nobody in any sort of endorsable state would ever have intimate relations with these men. Most don't have their teeth, have any hair, and don't shower. Worst of all, any person that would touch these men would want to be compensated heavily and that means less money for me...and I don't really want to be a pimp.
Enter a man's new best friend:
The Fleshlight
I figure if fleshlights were delivered directly to a rig, you could probably sell 6-10 at $300 each (remember, these guys are desperate AND have a wod of cash to spend on booze and pleasure). This is up to $3k per rig, with a cost of about $500 (I assume I could get a bulk discount). I would have to cover the gas costs of driving from rig to rig, but nonetheless, a tidy profit could be made.
Just check out how diverse the fleshlight is:
First, Choose the Orifice
Next, choose the sensation:
The second from the left is the "Ultra Tight" sensation and is recommended for use with the anal orifice.
I've heard from a couple people that fleshlights are addictive and some have even said that they are better than the real thing. All I'd need is one "demo" light to prove to the guys on the rig that this is worth their $300. With it, they can live out their every fantasy.
Yes, this summer I'm heading to the rigs.
13 comments:
This is sheer genius never before seen. My hat is off to you, sir.
It was only inevitable before the Fleshlight made its way onto this blog.
I was going to post about fleshlight earlier when I decided to buy Andre one. I was going to go with the butt orifice and the regular ribbed...
Oh no you don't...there will be no purchases of fleshlights for Andre.
C'mon, I'm sure he'd like it....a lot. It getes lonely living so far away.
Yes, I agree that he would like it. That's the problem. Then he would become one of those crazies who turn against real sex. And then what would happen to me? I would end up being sexless. And that would just be no fun.
I can't see how it could it be better than the real thing. Call me a romantic, but I think women have more to offer their partners than an orifice. (They've got boobs, too! Those are fun!)
Women may have more to offer than an orifice, but not in any way a rigger is concerned with. All he wants is something that feels damn good (or better than his own hand).
It is now I start the "Get Kevin a Fleshlight for Christmas" fund. Any donators?
How much were they" $60?
I'll donate $180.
Do you really need 3? If you have three penises, you'd be my hero. If you used all three of them at once, you'd be my god.
johnny! i remember discussing these in the car that night of your rubik party! ah, and the disgust that followed...well not your party, but followed when i learned such a thing exists...
Disgust, eh? Is it really any different from a vibrator?
well i guess not, but i dunno, maybe i'm a prude, it just looked gross. and i guess i can say this as i don't own a vibrator as of yet!
Well, at least you're not a hypocrite, Sara. I hope I don't ever own one of these, but we'll see what I get for Christmas.
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