(This is in response to Sara's post: at least my pants still fit)
I seem to recall the term "serial monogamy," which is essentially what harvest was describing: a maximum of one partner (love/sexual) at any given time. I think religious and cultural influences (in the West) over thousands of years have shaped our nurturing to view monogamy as desirable, with the exception of some Mormon communities.
Why is this? Well, I don't know enough about cultural history to formally theorize, but I think jealousy is the key. Right around the time that Bibles and Qurans were being written, men dominated society. These men had power over their wives and they were afraid of losing that power. Thus, adultery became a sin (especially for women) and was brutally enforced, though was obviously not followed by everyone.
This belief of monogamy persisted throughout the value shifts that our society has experienced and is still a pillar of traditional partnerships.
Monogamy is usually tied to sex because sex is easy to define (unless you're Bill Clinton). Love, however, is a much more complex entity - an emotion that has a variety of definitions, dimensions, and types. In the sense that two unrelated people love each other romantically, whether sex is involved or not, this is also usually considered within the realm of monogamy.
In regards to harvest's comment that you cannot love two people in the same way simultaneously, I'm not as convinced. I think it's possible to be in love with two people at the same time for a significant period of time. This usually inspires confusion, however, and it is difficult to keep up the feelings before a choice has to be made. The choice is not for the benefit of the person torn between the two, but for the two others, assuming they both value monogamy.
The reason I believe this is possible is because I have experienced a similar situation for the past couple of years. I was in a monogamous relationship for just under 3 years until recently, but during that time I had overwhelming feelings not only for my partner but for another woman too. I felt very strongly for both of them, but I chose to stay with my partner for reasons that I still can't explain. My relationship with the other woman never progressed to the physical stage and I'm not even sure if she felt the same way about me emotionally, but my feelings for her remained, albiet pushed into the back of my mind.
Now that the relationship I previously chose has ended, I still don't know if the choice I made was right and I probably won't ever know. I don't regret my decision at all, but if I fail to begin the relationship I could have had with the other woman I will be left forever wondering what could have been.
(I seem to have strayed from the topic of monogamy. I'm back now.) Throughout all of this, it was my belief in monogamy that prevented me from actually starting any kind of tangible relationship with the other woman before ending my current relationship. Had I acted differently, the results would have been disaterous for everone involved. That, in my opinion, would have been far worse than the fact that I may be left wondering for the rest of my life.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Monday, February 20, 2006
Edmonton kicked serious ass! Reid and I had so much fun, most of which I can remember.
We started off on Saturday afternoon and picked up some JD and a 15-pack of Kokanee. After getting a pizza and drinking a bit, we walked over to U of A res and tried to find parties. Thanks to reading week, the place was DEAD, but we found one of his friends to play pool with. This guy became my hero, but it was partly due to my intoxication. Afterwards, we just headed back to Reid's condo, shotgunned some beer, talked and went to bed.
On Sunday we ventured to West Ed and wandered around for a few hours. We saw a talent competition that hosted mainly mediocre country singers who SUCK at writing lyrics. There was, however, a 9-year-old girl whose voice kicked the shit out of anyone there - Reid and I wanted to give her a recording contract. I'm pretty sure she had perfect pitch too. But this other guy came on stage dressed like some whiney emo kid, started jumping around with his acoustic guitar singing (poorly) this shitty song he wrote and then started beatboxing. Wow, what a loser. But he did have stage presence.
After grabbing some fajitas and ice cream, we headed back home and began a night of drunken conversation. We now have so much dirt on each other it isn't even funny (well, it's pretty funny). Luckily, blackmail is out of the question since the severity of information is equally distributed on both sides. Finally, after some drunken internet surfing we pretty much passed out.
Monday was less eventful, except for the idiots who delayed our bus by close to an hour because they were idiots.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
I'm a big fan of relaxing. I probably shouldn't be doing that now with so many deadlines looming over my head, but I'm doing it anyway.
I had a rehearsal at the U of C tonight and I ran into my old friend Liz, who was looking fine as ever. I'm going to try and trick her into going out for drinks with me (not a date, though) because I probably wouldn't have been able to do that if I wasn't single. I think I'm starting to warm up to this situation...
So here's something that I was thinking about recently: I call this Learn Me Math More Better, by George W. Bush.
Ramping up the math and science programs in US public schools was a top priority listed in Bush's State of the Union Address. But according to this article (Math Crisis? What Crisis?), the majority of parents in the US don't really think their children need more math and science.
{ At this point, I will refrain from sarcastically linking Science to Satan. }
Most people will hardly ever use pure math or a detailed knowledge of science during their life span. After all, most of the jobs listed in the paper are not math/science related and the last time I checked, I didn't use Calculus to tie my shoes.
But this doesn't mean that math and science are not important.
Where would we be without the advances in science and math that occurred throughout the ages? I guess we'd be back in those ages... yeah.
So despite the fact that Bush is an idiot and probably won't be able to execute his plan, he is in the right mindframe in terms of upping the ante in math and science education. This time it is the parents who are wrong. Even though it may seem useless to most people, there are a few children who are smart enough to take advantage of a good science base and later pursue areas of research. Who knows, there could be a child today somewhere in the US that will one day discover cold fusion, assuming he gets a good scientific education in the public system.
I don't want to start making all sorts of wild predictions, but the US is not on the right track in terms of keeping their superpower status. Sure things may look good now, but with religious governments hampering research, wacked-out foreign policies justifying war on any nation, and an increasing dependence on foreign oil, the US has their work cut out for them.
China, Japan, and India are set to be the next powers of the world, and as long as Canada can keep Alberta and the oil sands to itself, we should be in pretty good shape too.
Saturday, February 11, 2006
The cartoons depicting Muhammad may have gone too far for Muslims, but the rioting does not make up for it. This article of news has been beaten to death by other bloggers and less credible news sources (CNN), so I won't post any links - at least any that pertain to the state of Islam.
These cartoons may have been offensive to Muslims, but I'm pretty sure there have been more offensive drawings of other religious figures throughout history.
One that immediately comes to mind appeared on a movie version of the best (arguably) comedy on TV. Here's the link. Christians without senses of humour: beware. Here's another one. And another.
So, which is worse? The relatively tame drawings of Muhammad in the newspaper, or Jesus demonstrating his "powers" to a crowd of believers. Well, it all depends on who you are and where you live.
In the west, we often take for granted that we live in a society where we can poke fun at religion and politics without being stoned to death or bombed. We can also defend ourselves from rapists without fear of being hanged. So when we see the reaction in the Muslim world to drawings that are offensive to Islam, we think, "Are you fucking crazy?" But we will never truly understand a mindset and culture that is so different from our own, so the only thing we can do is try to respect theirs and hope they do the same with ours.
There is, however, a global reform that I would like to see in my lifetime:
Religion should not be used as a basis for government or its legal system.
Most religions are hundreds or thousands of years old. And still, the fundamentalists are clinging to these ancient value systems that were only relevant when women were truly objects and the number zero did not yet exist. This is not only the case in Islamic countries, but also in the US.
Bush is trying to, and succeeding in, introducing fundamentalist Christianity into the US government. Every abortion doctor that is murdered, every child who learns Intelligent Design instead of Evolution, every gay couple who is denied a marriage license, and every poor hurricane victim who is told that God is punishing them is a victim of the Ultra-Christianization of the United States.
Governments should only be built upon a system of secular ethics (as best they can). This system of morality examines which actions are wrong not by asking which actions offend God, but by asking which actions are inherently wrong. For instance, killing someone out of hatred or passion is wrong because it is wrong, not because it goes against the Ten Commandments. On the other hand, killing someone in self defense is not wrong / gray area because it is justifiable according to ethics, but still against the Ten Commandments.
Of course, ethics are the most complicated basis for morality because it is open to all sorts of interpretations. Take, for example, the situation with the RIAA and digital music. Is it right for the RIAA to sue individual users for downloading mp3's? No. Is it right for people to "steal" music by downloading it? No.
In all honesty, I won't see this change in my lifetime - in fact, it might get worse before it gets better. All I can do is hope that all the decent people in the world will stand up for themselves and not let fundamentalists of any kind take over the world. They can believe whatever they want, but they have no right to force those beliefs on anyone else, including me.
With the minor exception of running into a certain person in Engineering A on Friday, I'm doing pretty good. Friends are important - Reid, Sara, Tomscott, everyone else: thank you.
I'm almost ready to start dating again, I think. The person I've had a major crush on for the last 2.5 years is spending the semester in Australia, so that will give me a couple months to fully recover before I ask her out. I don't expect her to be interested, but I'd really kick myself later if I never found out if she's shared the crush. I emailed her last week, but no response yet - she doesn't check email very often when she's in Calgary and she might not even have a computer down under, so I don't expect a response for a while.
I can't wait to get my new drums! First of all, the laptop is on its way soon, so that's going to be cool. I think I'll head down to L&M during reading week and see what Andrew Clark can do for me in terms of ordering a set of Pearl Reference drums. I'd like to get some congas and some new cymbals too, but that's really getting expensive.
Speaking of reading week, I'm heading down to Edmonton to party HC with Reid on the first weekend. Regardless of whether we find any actual parties to go to, we'll probably be too drunk for hangovers. Good times indeed.
Ok, I haven't link dumped in a long time, so here it comes:
- This stupid Filipino guy incited a riot outside of a stadium by shouting "BOMB!". What a fucking idiot. This stunt got about 75 people killed and ~300 injured. This is why we don't shout "BOMB" or "Hijack" or "Jihad" in airports or other densely crowded areas. Idiot.
Oh that reminds me. I can now declare "Jayhad" or "J-had" on my enemies. So you better stay on my good side, bitches! :) j/k - I guess I need to get laid because I can certainly read this T-Shirt. No one should EVER use leet-speak. Ever. Especially during sex (unless you're role-playing, in which case that would be pretty fucking hot - especially if the girl really knew her stuff).
- An elderly blind woman in the UK had a heart attack and then regained her sight. Miracle? Probably not, but it's still pretty cool. The first thing she said to her husband when she woke up was, "Haven't you got old." BURN!
Finally, I'm awarding yet another Jgoz.net seal of Approval to this guy. He was charged for reckless engagement on the road because he was forcing people off the road and driving erratically. Why this behaviour, you ask? He was leafing through porn mags! That's right, this motherfucker was jackin' it to some (low) quality magazines WHILE driving on a freeway. He definitely deserves this award, hands down.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
I can honestly say that I understand the reason for our rapid break-up, and as much as it hurts me, I think it is the right thing to do.
Throughout the nearly 3 years there were periods of ups and downs, which I attributed to normal moodiness on both of our parts. It turned out to be a deeper issue than that, however, and looking back it seems to make sense.
In many ways Kathryn is a very mature person - she could easily have been living on her own for the last couple of years and she is capable of taking on many simultaneous commitments. In other ways, however, her immaturity is really apparent. It takes her a really long time to truly open up to anyone, and as I recently discovered, she is not yet able to determine why she experiences many of the feelings that she does.
Since the beginning of our real relationship, her feelings for me have gone up and down in cycles (unexplainable by her). During the down times, I was often confused, hurt, and angry because my feelings for her never really wavered. But when the up times rolled around, I seemed to instantly forget how the downs made me feel.
In the aftermath, I can now look back and say that I was unfairly treated during those times and our breakup will be good in the long run for many reasons. (This is something that Reid has been pointing out for a long time - thanks dude and sorry for not listening).
For one, being single and even dating different people will give both of us a better perspective on the future and the past. In Kathryn's case (and ideally), she will be able to figure out why she only loved me part of the time and if it really had anything to do with me. I don't think it really had anything to do with me as a person and I hope she can figure out what it is about herself that keeps her from experiencing true love. For her sake, I truly hope that she can let go of that part of herself.
In my case, letting go of Kathryn will be the hardest thing I've ever had to do emotionally. I truly loved her and I would have done so as long as we were together. Right now it's too early for me to start moving on, but I'm certainly not going to sit on my thumbs hoping she'll come back to me. I still don't know how I'm going to deal with not seeing her family or her dogs yet.
At the moment, this decision is for the best. The timing was as good as it could have been and my future self will thank my current self for allowing this to end gracefully. I can just imagine how hurt I would have been if this happened even one or two more years into the future. And I don't want to think about how hurtful it would have been after getting married.
As I told her the last time we spoke, she will forever be in my heart and I only want the best for her. Funny, I never thought I believed it, but now I think it's true: If you do truly love someone, you have to be able to let them go.
Saturday, January 28, 2006
They do say that all good things come to an end, and over the last 6-7 months I really learned that the hard way.
If you recall, Kathryn and I almost broke up last summer, but we were able to patch things up and start over. Not so this time... the breakup is going to stick.
Neither of us are saying "I never want to see you again" or "there's no chance we'll ever be together again." We're also not saying, however, "lets get back together in a month." As far as I'm concerned we've broken up and are both on the market again, but if we happen to find each other on the market, we can start over.
I'm not going to lie to myself and wait for her to come back to me. I'm going to start moving on with my life and keep in light contact with her as she does the same.
Since we weren't really close friends before we started dating, I will be able to say the following at some point in the future (but not today because I'm still depressed): "I now have a friend whom I was once in love with, and whom I will always love. Regardless of where we are and who we're with, she will have a special place in my heart as my first true love."
Sunday, January 22, 2006
I was watching the Hour of Power on TV for a brief moment this morning and I heard the minister dude asking everyone to please continue donating to the Hour of Power. His reason was that in 2005 the Hour of Power came close to being cancelled because it didn't receive the donations it needed. He wanted it to change in 2006.
This is what he was really saying: "Hi suckers. Last year, I couldn't afford to give money to the Republican Party to keep George Bush (AKA God Jr) looking favourable to the American Race (ie: Evangelists). Therefore, I am asking you to donate $600 per year of your hard-earned money so that I can keep asking you to donate $600 per year of your hard-earned money for years to come. If you don't, you'll pretty much be going to hell, along with everyone else in the entire world except for the Evangelical 'Christians'. Peace out, suckers."
Here is what's wrong with Evanglists: everything. They are all pretty much 100% certifiably INSANE.
First of all, the idea of young-earth creation is scientifically disprovable, yet they cling to the "fact" that the Earth is 6000 years old because the Bible told them so. Right. Second of all, they can't possibly believe that a person will go to hell if they don't accept Jesus as their Lord. It's just so freaking rediculous.
If you ask me, they're the ones going to hell, if there is such a place (which there probably isn't).
Here are some links related to Pat Robertson and all that is his idiocy:
- Pat "apologizes" for his remarks to Mr. Sharon. Pat is suck a motherfucker.
- Here are most of the recent controversies that Pat "Motherfucker" Robertson has been involved in. Praise to Wikipedia.
Friday, January 20, 2006
The JGoz.net seal of approval goes to this teacher in Ohio who gave his students a homework assignment, asking them to "research porn online and list eight facts about it." I mean, this man is literally the best teacher living today. He is so amazing that I created the JGoz.net seal of approval just now for the sole purpose of awarding the first one to him (or her?).
I bet I could do that assignment in my head, but it wouldn't be nearly as fun.
Monday, January 09, 2006
Well, the holiday season is over, so I guess it’s time to get back to work. Bleh. Work Sucks.
My holiday was nice and relaxing, despite the lack of recording (and blogging). I’m hoping to get some more blogging done this year if I finally get a laptop. I’m waiting for Steve Jobs to possibly announce an Intel based iBook in his keynote speech tomorrow at MacExpo before I buy anything. If he releases a 13.3” widescreen iBook as reliable sources have predicted, that particular product will be going on my post-Christmas list.
Since I’ll be saving money on textbooks this year by not having to buy as many, and with the inclusion of the $400 present we’re getting from Uncle Ralph, I can justify paying $1400 for an overpriced but reliable piece of machinery that will save me from fighting with campus computer labs during my 5 hour-long breaks. I’m bitter about my schedule.
Another thing – I have no idea who to vote for in the upcoming election. I watched most of the debate tonight and I’m still not inspired in any direction.
Stephen Harper was well-spoken, but his plans are deeper than what he allowed to surface tonight. I want to find out what he really thinks and has in store for Canada. He still scares me a little bit…
Gilles Duceppe would be an attractive candidate if he wasn’t a separatist and intended to implement many of Quebec’s programs and policies in the rest of Canada.
Paul Martin was the most passionate of the leaders tonight and he took the abuse fairly well. I still don’t know if I am willing to support the Liberals, just because I’d be interested to see the results of a change in government.
Finally, Jack Layton was the best self-promoter of the evening and did a good job of separating the NDP from the other major federalist parties. Based on the debate alone, his party appeals to me the most, but I haven’t researched anything beyond the debate at this time.
The most important issues to me, at the moment, are lowering tuition and implementing proportional representation. I am definitely a political minority in Alberta, in that I don’t subscribe to the Conservative point of view – at least when it comes to the non-economic policies. So I would love it if my votes would actually count for something, instead of merely decreasing Jason Kenny’s blowout victory by a fraction of a fraction of a percentage.
This is where proportional representation comes in. With that in place, all of the Liberal, NDP, and even Green supporters in Alberta would have their voices heard in government for the first time. Instead of only sending the winning party in each riding to the House of Commons, all of the parties that ran in each riding would have as many votes as was proportional to the number of votes they received. This would be a major improvement over our current system, which discriminates against political minorities in regional areas of political concentration. I’m sure the Tories in the east would appreciate this as well.
The major downside to proportional representation is, of course, that a minority government is pretty much guaranteed. This could, however, be a blessing in disguise. My reasoning is that the public generally hates voting, as was demonstrated by the aftermath of the recent vote of non-confidence. Politicians know this, so to avoid non-confidence votes, they would be forced to work together for a change in implementing policies.
Yes, this notion of “working together” would generally slow down the already tedious decision making process, but overall I think it would be better for our country.
And now for the fun stuff kiddies:
- This men’s washroom idea would freak me the hell out. You can figure out why.
- "I've got to think it's UFOs. That's the only thing logical…." Wow. I guess the UFOs got bored with cows, so they moved on to mutilating horses. It’s a shame what constitutes logic nowadays.
- Speaking of logic, check out this “seminar” on Creation, and scroll down to the heading entitled “The Watchmaker.” If you don’t feel like reading, I’ll summarize it for you: Someone in Japan made my stopwatch; therefore, everything in the universe has a creator. Now, you don’t need to have taken Logic I in order to realize the logical fallacy here. “There exists an A such that A created B, therefore, for all D, there exists a C such that C created D” is NOT A VALID ARGUMENT. In logic, it is known as a Hasty Generalization.
- A perfect promise ring for your girlfriend – if he happens to like goatse, that is (don’t worry, it’s not a link to goatse, nor is it disgusting).
Love Johnny
